The Lamb Catholic Worker
Touching the Foot of Christ on the Cross
Spring 2016 Lenten Issue
Spring 2016 Lenten Issue
I had an out-of-body experience at the Mayo Clinic in early June of 2015 that has taken me this long (almost 8 mos.) to try to capture in words, to attempt to clarify, or even to understand. This intense and alarming experience cannot be subjected to words or boxed into words, which has been part of the delay, as well as illiciting a horror in me of its memory, equaled to a memory of simultaneous intense, agape-love ecstacy, in an almost mystical sense. I am glad to have delved deeply into St. John of the Cross before (The Ascent to Mount Carmel and Dark Night of the Soul) 3 yrs ago on a 3-week silent retreat, to begin to grasp and digest this incident.
Having been nudged for quite a while by the Holy Spirit to try to write about it, the final push was at mass at St. Patrick’s today where we perch on the edge of another beautiful Lenten season. The Dominican priest, on celebrating the feast of Blessed Catherine Ricci, reminded us of the power of meditating at length on the passion of Christ, particularly of Him on the Cross (one Gospel has this being for six hours, not three) in excruciating, writhing agony, suffering for all of our sins and sinful living, that of the whole world, to set us free.
Basically, I believe that God allowed me to touch the foot of Christ on the Cross, and for 8-10 seconds, maybe 15, as long as I could stand without letting go, I was allowed to share in SOME of the intense swirling conglomerate of pain and love that enveloped Him during His hours of “defeat” and triumph on the Cross.
I had once seen a detective show where there was a gory graphic scene of a 20 year old woman who had been nailed to crude cross beams with large nails in her hands and feet, and was found the next day. It was shocking. I realized then how I had become somewhat numbed or used to seeing Christ on the Cross and had lost the true sense and appreciation of the intensity and torture of Christ’s torment on the Cross.
For those who have not read past articles, I had donated 59% of my liver to a relative in end-stages liver disease in a surgery on June 9. There were complications, then a fully ruptured bowel (technically the secum leading to the colon) and a second emergency surgery performed 4 ½ days later, having to be left somewhat open for several weeks. The convalescence has been long, with almost six months off of work with many complications, and is still taking place (hence another reason for the delay in this newsletter and writings).
I will admit that I went to the Mayo as a coward. I was terrified and did believe that God was possibly asking my life for the sake of The Lamb Catholic Worker to begin here and for Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin’s canonization, besides saving a relative's life. While I said “yes,” I was more and more scared the closer the date came. It was not until the very day before surgery that this lessened some, when the Gospel was the same as what I had planned for my funeral, the beatitudes. This felt as a a gentle nod to me that all was in His hands totally and I could be at peace. This is not the life anyways, the real life is to come!
In my weeks leading up to leaving for the Mayo, the fear had become so intense (certainly tangled in and magnified by menopausal hormones) that I went to The Book Loft in German Village to find any kind of relief in the religious section. I had gone to MANY Eucharistic Adorations, and they helped to appease it while I was there, but as soon as my foot was outside, it all came flooding back. More than anything, I was ashamed at how scared I was and wanted to pretend to be brave, or to REALLY BE brave.
Only two things caught my eye in the few minutes I stayed at the bookstore. One was simply a book cover that said, “Living Courageously: You Can Do Anything, Just Do It Afraid.” That was it! It IS courageous to do something anyways, even as a scaredy-cat, so I convinced myself. I just wanted to take a big straw and suck His strength and His braveness into me.
The second thing I found was truly amazing and perfect. It was a short story of an orphanage during the Korean War. It had been hit directly by bombing and corrugated metal and parts were everywhere. Underneath everything was a 4 year old girl with a severed leg, bleeding to death. The doctors asked all the orphan children that were her blood type if one would come forward and give them their blood or she would die. A little 6 year old boy finally stepped forward. They began taking his blood and he started to cry. He was asked if it hurt and he said no. They continued and he cried so hard he was wailing. They stopped and said he did not have to if he was afraid or if it hurt, and he said, “I am NOT afraid, keep going.” They did and he screamed and screamed.
When finished they asked him why he was crying so hard if he was not afraid and it did not hurt much. He said that he thought he had to give her all his blood, and that he would die instead. They asked him, “WHY would you do that?! Why would you be willing to give her all of your blood?” He said, “She is my friend.”
I felt God’s grace pour over me that it is okay if I am not this perfect martyr, but a big baby. As I walked out of the bookstore, a beautiful sight unfolded before my eyes. The trees, I think Magnolias, were shedding their white, pink-lined blossoms like snow, with no breeze to cause this. I sat down on the benches to soak it up, the petal-covered ground and pedestal bird feeder looking as a beautiful wedding. As petals fell on my clothing I thought of the Scripture, from Revelations, that goes something like, “the wedding feast of the Lamb has begun; the bride has made herself ready, adorned with the finest of linen glistening and pure..”
At the Mayo, I lay in bed one day in particularly excruciating pain. My memory was after the first surgery but before they had found and acknowledged the perforated secum (ruptured bowel). The pain meds were not cutting it much at all. I couldn’t pray or use words well in my head.
At the Mayo, I lay in bed one day in particularly excruciating pain. My memory was after the first surgery but before they had found and acknowledged the perforated secum (ruptured bowel). The pain meds were not cutting it much at all. I couldn’t pray or use words well in my head.
Every split second was beyond any pain level I had ever experienced, including five childbirths with no painkillers or epidurals. I couldn’t even hold up one hand by itself toward God, so I took my hand I was trying to hold up and barely held it up at the wrist, with my other hand.
We had been listening daily to a song Abby Evans, my niece and caregiver, kept playing for me called “I Surrender,” by Hillsong (the 12-minute concert version on Youtube is the best). It goes:
I surrender,
I surrender,
I want to know you, Lord
I want to know you, Lord.
Like a rushing wind,
Jesus breath within,
Lord have your way,
Lord have your way,
Innnn Me.
Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul,
LORD, HAVE YOUR WAAYYY,
LORD, HAVE YOUR WAY,
INNNN, MEEEEEE.”
It gets pretty intense!
I was trying to sing this song with intensity in my head, and then praying: “Have your way in me, have your way in me, have your way in me, have your way in me,... You could stop this if you really want to; you must be willing this. Have your way in me, have your way in me, I say yes, have your way in me. I offer this for the canonization of Dorothy Day! For the canonization of Peter Maurin! Then almost screaming in my head too – “I do this for ______’s SALVATION!” (one of my five children who is an atheist).That’s when it happened. Eyes closed, with my hand barely pointing upward from my abdomen, I was suddenly touching something warm, round, and slimy, with a sharp-edged metal piece coming out of the top. I opened my eyes in my mind and it was the foot of Christ on the Cross. I couldn’t see the other foot, I was in such close proximity. I looked up and could not even see His knee, the bright blinding light from above was so intense, completely swallowing the entire room. I was almost instantaneously drawn into an inferno of pain, like fire all over my whole body, wracking, and boiling my skin. Later when I was remembering, I recalled that the most intensity was in my palms and feet.
Simultaneously, there was a burning in my heart for Christ as I have never experienced, equally as intense as the pain. I felt this ferocious love for me as well, my direction. I could only hold on for probably 8-10 seconds or so, maybe 15, before letting go. THIS had been 100 times worse than my pain. When I “came back,” although still in a GREAT deal of pain, I took a nap! It was NOTHING, nothing in comparison, not even in the same galaxy, as this pain Christ led me through. Nothing in my life from this point on will ever compare, even if I were to be crucified somehow. Christ had had the “sins” of the world rip through His wounds and His torture - not just metaphorically, but physically.
My love for Him was forever changed, transformed to heights I did not think possible. It was a gift, a gift. Just brace yourself if you say or sing that you want to really know Him, as in the song, and to have His way in you. It is almost too much for us to bear, his level of love for us. Those who wanted to walk closely right up with Christ, his beloved Apostles, to know Him, love Him dearly as a friend, learn from Him, and follow Him closely, were all martyred. The exceptions were Judas Iscariot and John (although his "martyrdom' may have been the worst if he touched Christ's foot as support, but even if not, witnessing what he did!). These grueling deaths though were after living incredible lives of great joy in the Spirit, building His Kingdom on Earth. Better yet, now they are at His side forever, seeing His beautiful beautiful face, laugh, Spirit.
In this Holy Jubilee Year of Mercy, perhaps it is a very good time to undergo a genuine and thorough examination of conscience for the forgiveness of our sins with the following list I created mainly from the 10 Commandments and the 7 deadly sins. Pope Francis asked each bishop to designate a Holy Door to pass through in this special year, to gain unfathomable mercy. Fr. Schalk said to try to get to mass, confession, pray for the Pope's intentions, and the rosary (?) all in a five-day window before or after passing through the door. Fr. Denis Kigozi suggested to make it a "pilgrimage" by going to the 11:45 daily mass at St. Pat's, go to confession there, walk to the cathedral and go through the Holy Door, and walk back to St. Pat's. It is the door at the far left once inside the front at St. Joseph's Cathedral.
St. Teresa of Avila, in her book, Interior Castles, humility was needed in all the chambers of our castle, our soul. We need to revisit it at every room. Self-examination of conscience and constant re-examiniation of conscience (true humility) are at the heart of all virtue. As St. Teresa said, Humility must always be doing its work like a bee making its honey in the hive:without humility all will be lost […] 
I think of St. Paul, and after having had a particularly torturous scourging, was singing praises to God even after midnight in the jail, chained heavily (against his wounds in dirt and skin agitation), when the walls shook and the chains fell off everyone. He stopped the guard from killing himself, and was “cleaned up” at the guard’s house before baptizing him, showing he was quite a mess. Wow, singing praises in this situation, not knowing his fate too.
This is my new motto for 2016, from my niece, Bernadette Rodgers, “Make my sacrifice perfect.” It goes hand in hand with the Old Testament reading today (Feb. 4), of advice from King David on his deathbed to his son, Solomon: “Take courage and be a man.” Fr. Schalk shared at the Christ the King Women's Retreat mass how we women are to play that role of Mary - to help men be real men, or man-up. She nudged Christ to perform His first public miracle at Cana, and to the burly stone jar carriers (that held 20-30 gallons of water) to be ready and "Do whatever He tells you."
I hope to no longer be a whining, complaining gal this year, but to be a grown woman in the Lord, ready to act and do His most perfect Will as best as I can, no matter how difficult. Like a Dominican at St. Thomas, my New Year's Resolution is to let God be God and do exactly what He is going to do anyways before I start complaining. And to try to do it with praise, joy, and peace in my heart, in love and in admiration for Him. Nothing in this life is more difficult than His suffering on the cross.
In the Benedictine "Collect" prayers for Feb. 6:
"Lord God,
the Cross reveals the mystery of your love:
A stumbling block indeed for unbelief,
but the sign of your power and wisdom to us who believe.
Teach us to contemplate your Son's glorious Passion
that we may always believe and glory in his Cross."
Why is this taking so long - both for this city to have a bona fide Catholic Worker community and for the Canonization (and recognition) of Dorothy Day (and hopefully Peter Maurin)? The answer seemed to come to me through St. Thomas Aquinas, and Fr. Blau, at St. Pat's. St. Thomas pondered why in the world God took so long to come to earth, when he noticed the genealogy of generations before Christ (during Advent readings).
Aquinas came up with three reasons for the delay. First, God wanted to teach His statues, to write His law on their hearts (you know how Christ didn't want everyone blabbing about the miracles for everyone to come running for the show and not for the message and teaching). 2. He wanted to purify His people through long-suffering, endurance, perseverance, etc, and 3. He wanted to herald many times through prophets because it was such a BIG deal. They would know He was from God (and is God). Who better finally than St. John the Baptist to do this through?
On that note, I thought, first, God wants to teach people about the Catholic Worker - and people have been given a lot of misinformation. It is so beautiful, so pure, so modeled after the Early Church! Second, He wants to purify the Catholic Workers, myself included, back to the original charism, mission, holiness, and living out, of Dorothy Day and Peter Maruin's vision. This is just as St. Francis and St. Dominic had to call back into focus what it means to be Catholic during their era; moreoever, St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross had to call Carmelites back to their original beauty and holiness.
Finally, God seems to want to herald this ahead of time for it to truly flower even more in this country, and definitely in this diocese. FOUR popes praised Dorothy Day from Paul VI who invited her to the Vatican for a special visit and blessing, to Pope John Paul II who opened her cause for canonization, to Pope Benedict XVI Emeritus who spoke of her two different times of day in his final day as pope; and now His beloved servant, Pope Francis in his speech to Congress (when he mentioned her name four times). So to teach, to purify, and to herald Catholic Worker, according to His most perfect Will, timing, and plans. God's Will be done, nothing more and nothing less.
Why is this taking so long - both for this city to have a bona fide Catholic Worker community and for the Canonization (and recognition) of Dorothy Day (and hopefully Peter Maurin)? The answer seemed to come to me through St. Thomas Aquinas, and Fr. Blau, at St. Pat's. St. Thomas pondered why in the world God took so long to come to earth, when he noticed the genealogy of generations before Christ (during Advent readings).
Aquinas came up with three reasons for the delay. First, God wanted to teach His statues, to write His law on their hearts (you know how Christ didn't want everyone blabbing about the miracles for everyone to come running for the show and not for the message and teaching). 2. He wanted to purify His people through long-suffering, endurance, perseverance, etc, and 3. He wanted to herald many times through prophets because it was such a BIG deal. They would know He was from God (and is God). Who better finally than St. John the Baptist to do this through?
On that note, I thought, first, God wants to teach people about the Catholic Worker - and people have been given a lot of misinformation. It is so beautiful, so pure, so modeled after the Early Church! Second, He wants to purify the Catholic Workers, myself included, back to the original charism, mission, holiness, and living out, of Dorothy Day and Peter Maruin's vision. This is just as St. Francis and St. Dominic had to call back into focus what it means to be Catholic during their era; moreoever, St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross had to call Carmelites back to their original beauty and holiness.
Finally, God seems to want to herald this ahead of time for it to truly flower even more in this country, and definitely in this diocese. FOUR popes praised Dorothy Day from Paul VI who invited her to the Vatican for a special visit and blessing, to Pope John Paul II who opened her cause for canonization, to Pope Benedict XVI Emeritus who spoke of her two different times of day in his final day as pope; and now His beloved servant, Pope Francis in his speech to Congress (when he mentioned her name four times). So to teach, to purify, and to herald Catholic Worker, according to His most perfect Will, timing, and plans. God's Will be done, nothing more and nothing less.
That Harry Hagan! He is a Benedictine monk (so this is his legal name, not his monk name) out of my abbey, the St. Meinrad Archabbey in Indiana. He wrote the following hymn in my "Liturgy of Hours for Benedictine Oblates" page 192:
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Resplendent Light
1. Most splendid and resplendent Light, O Brilliance overwhelming night, You bring to light all things concealed; In You is all the world revealed.
1. Most splendid and resplendent Light, O Brilliance overwhelming night, You bring to light all things concealed; In You is all the world revealed.
2. True Light and bearer of the Light, True Galaxy beyond our sight, O Morning Star announcing day, Revealing all in just one ray.
3. More glorious than the sun's bright light, And more mysterious than the night; You shine within the inmost heart, Revealing all its secret parts.
4. May our desire with love unite, Our love reveal your purest light. Make us glad temples of your praise, Our lives a mirror of your ways.
5. O Christ, the uncreated Light, To you be glory, praise, and might; the Father's sole begotten Son, The Spirit's Word: God Three in One. (c 1999)
GOING INTO THE DESERT WITH CHRIST THIS LENT
There is something about
going deep into the desert with Christ this Lent, for forty days and nights, to
wrestle with our own demons, head on, like ChristGOING INTO THE DESERT WITH CHRIST THIS LENT
To face our temptations and weaknesses
squarely, and bring them all out in
detail, as Christ. To sort through them, deal with them, and conquer them, with
Christ.
Demands of Immediate
Prayers Answered - If you are the Son of
God, command these stones to turn into bread, Satan said to Jesus.
Power and Greed
- I will give you the "world" you want, in power, glory, and
grandeur, if you will bow down and worship me, Satan said to Jesus.
Invincibility and
Testing/Doubting of God's True Providence - If you are the Son of God, throw
yourself down from this high pinnacle of the Temple, for you claim God will save you, Satan said to
Jesus.
One must remove oneself
from all the noise, people, activity, and distraction of the world and of
everyday life this special time of year to go into the harsh conditions of the
desert, for a short while. To hear the
voice of God alone, the direction of God alone...
When I was young, and
deciding to marry, I went on a 6-day silent retreat to make sure I was not
going to become a sister (nun). On that
retreat were two women in their early 50's who had similar early paths. Both had been asked to marry and both had
been in the convent. One felt called to
the religious life and the other, to that of a wife and mother.
While picking their
brains at lunch, quietly of course (they only sat with me once :), they were both insanely
contented and happy. This was the first
two-week silent retreat of the sister, but was about the 30th of the mother of
nine! Her husband knew her disposition
toward the religious life and agreed to give her a 2-week silent retreat every
year of their marriage! It was an
amazing witness to me! What a witness it
is to our own adult children. What is
more important, our health? Fixing our
homes? A vacation at the beach?
Some people dynamite
will not even get to a silent retreat, but if you feel the tug by
Jesus, 30 minutes away from CK in Columbus, Ohio is the Children of Mary Mother House near
Newark.
If you cannot get away to a deserted place and rest with the Lord, "cultivate silence" as Fr. Schalk always says. Try to read an entire Gospel each Lent, to truly truly enter into Christ's spirit, Christ's way and manner, His opinions, teachings and even commandments. He is the Word Made Flesh. It is Him you embrace when you embrace His Word wholeheartedly.
My Grandma Naomi always taught my father from a young boy to be certain to live this, if you live anything in the Bible: "The 10 Commandments and the Red Print." In her Bible, Christ's words were in red print, when His love ran red. Having been raised Methodist, she knew the words of Christ like the back of her hand, long before Catholics were encouraged to read them on their own and know them.
In the spirit of Lectio Divina, a deeper way of delving into the New Testament is to read the Gospel each day slowly three times. Let it, let Him, seep deeply into your soul.
If you cannot get away to a deserted place and rest with the Lord, "cultivate silence" as Fr. Schalk always says. Try to read an entire Gospel each Lent, to truly truly enter into Christ's spirit, Christ's way and manner, His opinions, teachings and even commandments. He is the Word Made Flesh. It is Him you embrace when you embrace His Word wholeheartedly.
My Grandma Naomi always taught my father from a young boy to be certain to live this, if you live anything in the Bible: "The 10 Commandments and the Red Print." In her Bible, Christ's words were in red print, when His love ran red. Having been raised Methodist, she knew the words of Christ like the back of her hand, long before Catholics were encouraged to read them on their own and know them.
In the spirit of Lectio Divina, a deeper way of delving into the New Testament is to read the Gospel each day slowly three times. Let it, let Him, seep deeply into your soul.
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| The Vatican Holy Door (left) at St. Joseph's Cathedral, the other is an outer door there symbolizing the doors we must go through to get to the Holy Door, like the chambers of our soul in St. Teresa of Avila's Interior Castles |
I happened to go on an amazing retreat a couple of weeks ago put on my Christ The King, involving about 50 women. It was entitled "Forgiveness." In this Holy Jubilee Year of Mercy there comes a time that to receive this amazing mercy from God, you have to know your sins, confess your sins (in a thorough confession), and promise to sin no more, and to FORGIVE OTHERS, extending to others this theme of mercy as well.
One cannot receive mercy unless one knows one's sins, admits to them, and makes a conscious effort to "Go and sin no more," as Christ beckoned the woman caught in adultery. One also cannot expect forgiveness if he or she does not forgive others.
Here are the ones ("sins") I came up with, similar to the ones on the CK retreat. They had been cut into individual strips, folded over and stapled so that we could not read them ahead, prayed over, blessed with holy water, and put at the tabernacle table for us to come up and be lead to the one that was meant for us. Just see which ones jump out at you on the list, you'll know where you are being prompted by the Holy Spirit.
The forgiveness stretches to yourself as well. We can sometimes be the most hard on ourselves and our own mistakes. While humility is a very good thing, beating oneself up over things can be harmful to our soul. Sorting through our lives, our priorities, our sin to conquer is difficult and confusing alone, so if you have never had spiritual direction from a priest, this is the year! This would be a sit down appointment kind of like a confession. Typically a priest wants to know the whole story of your life, summarized, to begin being your spiritual director. He will help you toward forgiveness, of others and of yourself - and to receive mercy and direction. Don't wait.
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| Holy Door Poster at the Cathedral Pope Francis asks bishops to deem a Vatican Holy Door in each Diocese |
Hold. Your. Tongue. A forest fire is begun by one spark of the tongue, as Jesus said.
Careful what you view online or on your
cell phone.
Watch gluttony. Do you eat healthily? Do you eat too much? Do you waste money on
fast food?
What are you lazy with spiritually? Do you
study scripture daily? Do you pray a couple of regular times per day? Do you want God to answer your prayers according to His Plan?
Wrath.
Do you have anger issues - Even
in your thoughts, against people? Do you
harbor grudges and judgments, even little ones?
Envy/Jealousy - You need to watch and stop
harboring jealousy against others. It is
poison. The Pharisees and Sadducees were full of it , as was Saul of the Old
Testament and others. It leads one to
hate.
You envy others' abilities and
talents. Stop. You have just as many and need to manifest
them!
Pride - What must you control? What do you take so much pride in that you
have overstepped the bounds of allowing the Holy Spirit to do HIS main part?
Vain Glory - Do you do your part for
recognition and praise? Or do you do it
for Christ? Humility is one of the very
best of virtues! Can you take the lowest place and pass the limelight to
another?
Do you have a lying tongue? Do you paint yourself as great and others as
less than good? You ARE great, and so
are they! Gossip creates judgment and
disdain in your heart and in the world.
You are stepping too close to sin at
times. Jesus said if you even come near
sin it will spring and bite YOU before you know it. Avoid all near occasions of sin. It is easy not to sin, just avoid the near
occasions.
Sloth - How much time do you lay around or
watch TV? You could live in total grace
and freedom by using more time in Scriptures, religious books (like of saints),
and at Eucharistic Adoration. (There are at least 3 perpetual adoration chapels
24/7 any day of the week).
Do you honor your father and/or
mother? Grandparents? Do you visit them and make them feel loved?
Do you covet your "neighbor's"
goods, neighbor meaning anyone's? Do you long for material goods you see and do
not have, more than you long for a close relationship with God. Do you work for them more than you work on
your relationship with God, spending time with Him?
Beware not to harbor Wrath. Do you have anger issues - Even in your thoughts, against people? Do you harbor grudges and judgments, even
little ones?
"Covet" means only to want.
Beware not to covet another's spouse or encouraging the covetousness of
yourself by someone else if you and/or they are married to another in the eyes
of the Church.
Keep holy the Sabbath. Rest. Refrain from all work and activity as God commands. Learn from Orthodox Jewish people.
Guard against greed. Risk using and giving
more of your income for God, like the poor widow who's last donated coin was
the greatest gift to Christ.
Parable of the talents. Are you hiding yours under a bush? What gifts and desires do you have that you
could use to build the Kingdom for Christ? Do not hide them anymore!
Do you help bring friends and family to
holiness in your speech, actions, humor, work place recreation places, home,
and faith life?
You're perfect. You don't have any sin. :) Do
you have self-deception as to sin in speech you do yourself or participate
in? Does it uplift or bring down? Does it bring others closer to Christ?
Do you need to forgive more? Think of the Our Father as saying this:
"Forgive me, O Lord, only as much as I forgive everyone."
Stop judging so harshly. They have issues you know nothing about. I love them as much as you.
Do you lust after anyone in your
heart? Jesus said that he [or she] who
even looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his
heart. It could be a man if you are a woman.
Are you impatient or inhospitable at times
with people? At work, home, with friends
and family? Do you show impatience? Jesus said that you are nothing but a noisy
gong or clanging cymbal if you do not have love, which is first and foremost,
patient and kind.
This retreat (on Forgiveness) was amazing for those of us who have suffered greater hurt, pain, and scarring than the average person. The best one-liners I found are below. I hope they help you!
Forgiveness
Christ
the King Women's Retreat Jan. 15-17 2016
Forgiveness is the basis of every relationship.
We do our forgiveness alone; what happens to the
people we forgive is up to them.
The 1st person to
benefit from forgiving is the one who does it.
We forgive what they do, the sin is what they
do and not for what they are.
Choosing forgiveness is a decision.
One definition of forgiveness is willingness
to abandon one's right to resentment, revenge, grudges, etc..
WE DO THE FORGIVENESS IN OUR HEARTS
-- WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TELL THEM. [This
was very very freeing for me!]
FORGIVENESS IS A JOURNEY:
---
THE WORSE THE PAIN AND HURT, THE
LONGER IT TAKES
--- THE DEEPER THE WOUND, THE LONGER IT TAKES
WE DON'T FORGIVE BECAUSE WE ARE
SUPPOSED TO,
WE FORGIVE BECAUSE WE ARE READY TO
BE HEALED.
IT DOES NOT MEAN WE
HAVE TO TRUST THEM. [Freeing!]
WAITING FOR THEM TO SAY THEY'RE
SORRY TO BEGIN TO FORGIVE IS SURRENDERING THEM POWER. WE DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM THAT. [Freeing!]
When
we forgive, we set a person free - us!
we walk in stride with a forgiving God.
When we forgive we rediscover humanity.
When we forgive we surrender our thought to
get even, and we wish them well.
Forgiveness is for you, not
the person you are forgiving.
You become a hero instead
of a victim.
Forgiveness does not let anybody off
the hook, does not excuse poor behavior.
Forgiveness does not mean denying or
minimizing the pain. You don't have to
give up your feelings.
To forgive does not mean you have to get back into a
relationship with them. Reconciliation
is different than forgiveness. [whew!]
It's
okay to avoid those who cause us to sin, or at least lead us at times toward
sin. We can steer around them, when
possible. We can forgive them and avoid
them, and this is a loving and faith-filled thing to do.
Grievance Story - We all have one. Something we tell ourselves over and over again
about what a person did or what we did.
A gripe or complaint. Some for decades.
Let it go! They don't even
remember it.
Grievance Stories are blame stories of when
we get frustrated that certain things don't or didn't happen. We don't let it
go. Do you have a grievance story?
We have many
assumptions that people can't or don't live up to, unforseeable rules. What unforseeable rule are you living by,
that really isn't fair? People commit
things you consider a mistake by your rules, but it is not always a mistake at
all.
forgiveness shows strength,
it is not a weakness.
Someone else is not responsible for our feelings:
"You made me so mad," this is not possible. we make ourselves mad over something. Instead of saying, "I want this_______
or this person to be different!" We can say, "I hope and pray this
_______ will be different." We have
to pray more for them, with hope.
If
you are in disagreement with someone in your family and wish to reconcile, each
of you should write a letter to the other.
"I forgive you for ____," and "Please forgive me for
______."
Forgiving ourselves: We need to
practive self-forgiveness before we can offer forgiveness. We can be hardest on ourselves. Do we have to
be perfect?
If we can accept the truth that we are forgiven, and not
live with guilt and shame, we would really be free, and our freedom allows us
to forgive others. Henri Nouwen
YOU CAN'T GIVE AWAY WHAT YOU DON'T
HAVE.
Jesus
said, "Let anyone who is without sin cast the first stone," and
"neither do I condemn you now go and sin no more."
Holy
Door Experience and the Miracle at this retreat! Hold Your Tongue. St. Maria Goretti, brutally stabbed to death at 12 by a young worker on the farm who was attempting to take advantage of her, chose, before her death two days later, to forgive him. He had no remorse until she came to him later in a dream and handed him 14 day-lillies, one for each of the stab wounds. Though the rest of her siblings had to be put in an orphanage, the mother also forgave him. After serving nearly a lifetime in prison, he came out and served a small role in a religious order. If she can forgive the man who brutally killed her, a child, and her mother forgive him, than you can forgive ANYTHING.
| Prayer Spot Wall Reflection |
Sacred Heart Convocation Oct. 31, 2015, St. Catharine's
Fr. Stash Daley's Exerpts:
"He wants to enter into the heat
and humidity of our humanity.
Silence is the Lord's language.
The Lord is always with us. He walks with us, runs with us.
Crawls with us.
What fluctuates is our receptiveness,
our listening to His voice,
and our attentiveness to Him.
The one constant though, is that
Jesus is always with us.
We need to pay attention to Him.
We need to offer our children up to
Him [Hannah in the Temple with Samuel?].
One tragedy: Thinking that the way we are now is as good
as it gets.
He has a love that is COMPLETELY
UNCONDITIONAL.
St. Mary Margaret was saddened by how
much everyone around her had self-hate,
and that the self-hate was bigger
than the love of Christ.
She knew this was wrong.
We have such brokenness. Overwhelmed with trying to self-diagnose, ...
instead of giving it over to the
Lord.
We need each other,
as witnesses,
to help each other.
Blow up at Him before someone else.
I take all the bills and put them at
the tabernacle, and say,
'You want this house, you pay the
utilities.'
He gave a story about how the gas was
turned off for the sisters, but the gas man came somewhat miraculously...
DO NOT WORRY! LOVE!
The Lord offers peace to our homes.
Highlight saying, 'Thank You, Lord,'
'Praise you Lord!' throughout your
whole day.
The Lord will provide.
As we draw closer and closer to Jesus
Christ there will be pushback.
We modern Christians have become
lame, ...
jump ship to another if everything
does not work out the way we thought.
The evil one whispers, 'You are
alone.'
Don't preach Christ, LOVE HIM,
LISTEN to HIM at Eucharistic Adoration.
If you want a home in His heart, make His heart in your home."
Happenings of the Lamb:
Happenings of the Lamb:
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| Martin Luther King III and I at the MLK Memorial Awards Dinner, January, 2016, Columbus, Ohio (Great pacifist like his father!) |
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| Fr. Brune and I at our Oblate Epiphany party. If you had candy in your cake, you became a "king" and helped pass out presents. |
Interesting how history may be made in the regular activity of going to a normal teacher event, a MLK dinner put on by our union, and by chance meeting MLK III who may help spurn on this canonization. Great things can be underway in normal everyday circumstances, as Fr. Blau pointed out during Advent - how God Himself came into the world in such an unimpressive way as a little poor baby. God's big movements are in the ordinary; some small gesture or normal natural event can be God's grandest movement.
Funny also how I may end up being the miracle needed to canonize both Dorothy and Peter since I relied heavily on their intercession through all of this. Nearly or all of those undergoing this risky and dangerous live liver donor surgery - and require a second emergency surgery - usually die, according to the research of those at the Transplant House. Part of the reason is that the large right lobe of my liver donated to my relative was sliced from top to bottom, an open-face thin section of it, to grow it back. I had thought it had to be cut off at the base, or blood vessels, like a bush trunk. My relative was given the giant piece, open-faced as well, to grow another large right lobe, to have enough to live on (he is much taller than I am).
The risk of infection is high without complications, being that bile is produced in the liver, with its own drainage system, and things get mixed that should not be. I gave him half my bile ducts as well. If bacteria, etc, and infection do get into the blood stream, more often than not it is fatal. The difficulty though is finding stats on this rare surgery, since they do not need to report as with other medical items. There is a 1 in 200 to 1 in 300 chance of dying for the donor always, according to the program at the Mayo, in cases with no surgical complications.
--- I want to thank everyone for all the prayers that helped pull Nick and I through this summer and fall! We could not have without you! Special thanks to my caregiver at the Mayo, Abbie Evans. Words cannot describe how amazing and constant her love, kindness, and muscle work was at the hospital! Especially the big lift to get me out of bed, not splitting open my extensive (11 in.) abdominal stitches when I was massively swollen. It was grueling for her and there is a special place in heaven for her! She worked off all her Purgatory time! Also a deep heartfelt thanks goes to my dear sister, Lisa, who went through quite a lot between her son and her sister at the Mayo and after!
--- I have put together a Lamb Catholic Worker Library of many Catholic Worker, social justice, and peace books, with many also about the lives of the saints, richly Catholic ones, and deeply spiritual books for the borrowing. If you would like to donate any, please do! Thanks Egle Weiland!
--- Yes, we are still in need of workers, money, properties, and the like. Good news, my basement is ready to take in a homeless family as soon as I find a wonderful worker in the field. Beg the Harvestmaster for more workers, as Christ said.
--- I am in my final few months of my novitiate to become a Third Order Benedictine (Benedictine Oblate) in April out of the St. Meinrad Archabbey in Indiana. Dorothy Day was a Benedictine Oblate, and many Benedictine monasteries and abbeys of monks are praying for her canonization.
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| Clare Schaefer-Duffy, a life-long Catholic Worker who, with her husbnad, Scott, raised four children in their CW survives a massive limb falling on her small car with her in it! The split gigantic limb fell around her body, not hurting her. |
Take up thy cross, the Savior said,
If thou wouldst my disciple be;
Deny thyself, the world forsake,
And humbly follow after me.
Take up thy cross, let not its weight
Fill thy weak spirit with alarm;
His strength will bear thy spirit up,
And brace thy heart and nerve thine arm.
To Thee, great Lord, the One in Three,
All praise for evermore ascend;
O grant us in our home to see
the heav'nly life that knows no end. Amen
From the Liturgy of the Hours for Benedictine Oblates, St. Meinrad Archabbey, P. 184
